[ Dimitri needs to collect himself. He knows this. He briefly recalls the fresh faced boy he once was, alight with optimism. Had he ever truly been that way? It's difficult to recall. Dimitri leans closer, lets his breath ghost against Byleth, the man that, incomparably, loves him.
It settles something inside him. Byleth is here, and so am I. ]
Forgive me. [ Dimitri says softly. Byleth's lips find the skin behind his ear, and he shudders. Please, he wants to say. Please never stop. ] I so easily forget myself... these days.
[ There was once a time he knew exactly who he was. Why does that feel so far away? ]
[ Back to the soft, contrite, mounrful prince again, is he?
And yet, Byleth suspects that Dimitri's desire to claim him was real — more real than this soft, obedient shuddering. So he coaxes the collar of Dimitri's shirt open (Sylvain collected his armor for maintenance earlier in the evening). He litters more of Dimitri's neck with kisses. Coyly reaches in and undoes just one of those buttons, and kisses him still lower, along his collarbones. ]
And have you forgotten yourself now?
[ It is a question that he does not expect any particular answer to. Dimitri's neck is warm despite the night air. Byleth lingers near it, reaching up with his hand to stroke the delicate skin over Dimitri's throat.
He is still being very careful. Not rushing a thing. No sudden movements. He can't risk startling the beautiful wild creature that his Dimitri has become. ]
[ Again with this talk of what Byleth does or does not deserve...
The professor shakes his head. ]
But you are the man that I desire. You have always been the only man that I've desired.
[ He wants to keep kissing down Dimitri's neck, but it's hard to read the man's responses when he is so emotionally unmoored, and Byleth is not the sort of man to keep pressing when his lover's thoughts seem elsewhere. His fingers still over Dimitri's throat as he pulls back to look into his prince's blue eye. ]
Dimitri. Do you want me to keep going? [ A patient caress. ] I need to hear this from you.
[ Dimitri closes his eyes, unable to meet Byleth's gaze. Or, it's not that he can't but-- he just needs a moment. No one has been able to bring him to stillness in this way, and Dimitri revels in it. He can feel his own heartbeat, the thrum of life beneath his own skin.
Perhaps he is not a monster. Perhaps he is still a man.
Dimitri places a hand over Byleth's on his throat, taking in a slow breath. ]
I do. [ He says, his voice a hoarse whisper. ] It has been so long since I have felt even half myself-- but I do, now.
[ Byleth watches Dimitri for another few moments. Long enough to be certain that Dimitri is certain.
Then he reaches out, kisses Dimitri chastely one more time, and takes his prince by the hand. ]
Alright. Come with me.
[ It is possible that Dimitri will forget himself again in the future. That the confidence that he seems to have tonight will be unfounded when the daylight comes. That Byleth will wake in the morning to find his prince consumed by nightmares and rage once again. He knows all of this, but he has resolved to love Dimitri anyway. It is a terrible thing, to be so deeply and viscerally in love with a man in the throes of madness.
As tempting it would be to make love to Dimitri out in the open, beneath the starry skies above the cathedral... it isn't the most practical thing. It is public. It is exposed. It is cold. Just to the side, however, there are some quarters where the cardinals and priests used to dwell. Byleth picks one at random — it hardly matters which, they have all lain unused for years now — and takes Dimitri into it. ]
In here.
[ A bed, four walls, a dresser. A priest's simple furniture. They should both know what they each want by now, and why they are both here.
Byleth lets go of Dimitri's hand just to kiss him on the neck one more time. ]
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no subject
It settles something inside him. Byleth is here, and so am I. ]
Forgive me. [ Dimitri says softly. Byleth's lips find the skin behind his ear, and he shudders. Please, he wants to say. Please never stop. ] I so easily forget myself... these days.
[ There was once a time he knew exactly who he was. Why does that feel so far away? ]
no subject
And yet, Byleth suspects that Dimitri's desire to claim him was real — more real than this soft, obedient shuddering. So he coaxes the collar of Dimitri's shirt open (Sylvain collected his armor for maintenance earlier in the evening). He litters more of Dimitri's neck with kisses. Coyly reaches in and undoes just one of those buttons, and kisses him still lower, along his collarbones. ]
And have you forgotten yourself now?
[ It is a question that he does not expect any particular answer to. Dimitri's neck is warm despite the night air. Byleth lingers near it, reaching up with his hand to stroke the delicate skin over Dimitri's throat.
He is still being very careful. Not rushing a thing. No sudden movements. He can't risk startling the beautiful wild creature that his Dimitri has become. ]
no subject
[ Though even as he says it he curls his fingers into Byleth's back and holds him closer. Please, don't leave me-- some small part of himself whines.
But he truly does want to be his old self. He wants to stand upright with kindness and confidence.
But he's so, so broken.
It almost makes him cry out, and it's only having Byleth to cling to that stops him. Forgive me for not being who I once was. ]
I'm afraid I cannot be the man you deserve.
no subject
The professor shakes his head. ]
But you are the man that I desire. You have always been the only man that I've desired.
[ He wants to keep kissing down Dimitri's neck, but it's hard to read the man's responses when he is so emotionally unmoored, and Byleth is not the sort of man to keep pressing when his lover's thoughts seem elsewhere. His fingers still over Dimitri's throat as he pulls back to look into his prince's blue eye. ]
Dimitri. Do you want me to keep going? [ A patient caress. ] I need to hear this from you.
after a long week i have returned!
Perhaps he is not a monster. Perhaps he is still a man.
Dimitri places a hand over Byleth's on his throat, taking in a slow breath. ]
I do. [ He says, his voice a hoarse whisper. ] It has been so long since I have felt even half myself-- but I do, now.
welcome back!!!
Then he reaches out, kisses Dimitri chastely one more time, and takes his prince by the hand. ]
Alright. Come with me.
[ It is possible that Dimitri will forget himself again in the future. That the confidence that he seems to have tonight will be unfounded when the daylight comes. That Byleth will wake in the morning to find his prince consumed by nightmares and rage once again. He knows all of this, but he has resolved to love Dimitri anyway. It is a terrible thing, to be so deeply and viscerally in love with a man in the throes of madness.
As tempting it would be to make love to Dimitri out in the open, beneath the starry skies above the cathedral... it isn't the most practical thing. It is public. It is exposed. It is cold. Just to the side, however, there are some quarters where the cardinals and priests used to dwell. Byleth picks one at random — it hardly matters which, they have all lain unused for years now — and takes Dimitri into it. ]
In here.
[ A bed, four walls, a dresser. A priest's simple furniture. They should both know what they each want by now, and why they are both here.
Byleth lets go of Dimitri's hand just to kiss him on the neck one more time. ]
...Do you want to sit?